[x]

deviantART

 


You say you're beyond a relationship
Yet when you describe Him
I'm it, he's me, and I wonder

What does it all mean?
Why am I found wanting?
Or why do you not considering me?

I'm passed over like that famous red line
Invisible to your heart, or maybe
Just so obvious a part of it
Not mentioned by your brain, maybe because
Your brain can't see part of itself

Atleast I hope I'm that integral that you don't
Notice me, and not that I'm just not important
Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
Details
Submitted: May 10, 2008
File Size: 666 bytes
Image Size: 0 bytes
Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 2
Favourites & Collections: 1 [who?]

Views
Total: 30
Today: 0

Downloads
Total: 0
Today: 0

Thumb

Author's Comments

...
[x]

Devious Comments

love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

Comments


I like the division in your consideration. Your stanzas have started to become "wholes", and work well with the piece. My only qualm on this is the last line. I at once enjoy and am bothered by this last line. Maybe the way it reads awkward goes well with the meaning. I wish I could be more specific.
yea i understand what you mean, too many "not"'s hm, i might switch it to unimportant...but it seems kinda blank with that

--
"Artists are those who can evade the verbose"-Kafka on the Shore

Site Map